Things Software Engineers Say to Recruiters on LinkedIn

I am one of a few recruiters who actually read through LinkedIn profiles when I source candidates. I keep a collection of what engineers say to recruiters for my own entertainment. Again, this post is meant for people who appreciate the humor and irony; think a Buzzfeed article. No haters here, please.

“Recruiters: Happy to converse about your projects that involve telecommuting. I am looking for talent as well, so asking if I know anyone won’t get you very far.” – Architect/Engineer

(Haaaa! He really knows the game.)

“Attention Recruiters/Talent Searchers – I do not take cold calls.”- Sr. Software Developer

(How about warm calls??? Emails ok???)

“Status: Happily Employed, not looking for work.”- Sr. .Net Developer

(Do you know anyone who is unhappily employed? I offer free displacement services at no charge if anyone is looking to leave. Just saying.)

“…not looking to be poached and am here to network.”- Software Engineer

(So you’re saying you want to network with everyone else but a recruiter. *sad face*)

“If you’re a recruiter, I’m not looking. If that changes, you can sign up for an email at the following address: …”- Dev Manager

(Look at him! What a genius. A soft rejection.)

“I’m not looking for additional work; in particular if you are a recruiter then thank you I’m flattered, but really no, I’m not going to be interested! Thank you, have a nice day.”- Engineering Manager

(How cute. And there’s no trace of anger. I want to hire you already.)

“As a note for recruiters, I’m not looking to move anywhere out of state — you’d be hard pressed to even get me to drive to Milwaukee. Also, specifically to Amazon recruiters, please do not contact me. I’ve lost track of how many times I’ve told Amazon recruiters specifically that I’m not interested.”- Software Developer

(Damn, Amazon.)

“RECRUITERS I am currently not looking for a new position. If you work for a recruitment firm please do not contact or invite me to connect. I will not respond.”- Sr. Software Developer

(Severe PTSD from other recruiters, I see.)

“NOTE: If you need to get in touch with me, please do not call my office. I prefer email or Linkedin messages.”- Sr. Software Dev

(Sorry about all the awkward phone calls you have to deal with, dear. Next time, just pretend it’s a pizza delivery guy, “Yeah, a large pepperoni with extra cheese.”)

“I AM NOT LOOKING FOR CAREER OPPORTUNITIES AT THIS POINT IN TIME. RECRUITERS PLEASE DO NOT CALL OR EMAIL.”- Apps Dev

(OKAY. UNDERSTOOD. GOT IT. ROGER THAT.)